Stop. Or don't stop this train.

I had this conductor's hat when I was a little girl...and train sheets, and a BRIO train set. On Saturday mornings when I was about 4, I would stick on that hat and *pleasantly* wake up my parents with a (endearing? we'll pretend) "chugga, chugga, choo!! CHOO!!" with arm motions for the turning wheels. I don't remember a particularly keen interest in trains, or Thomas the Tank Engine or anything like that... but looking back, even the hat, the routine morning wake up calls, the sheets, and the train set aren't particularly typical "little girl" interests. Don't get me wrong...I could tea-party and marry-up Ken and Barbie as well as the rest of them. But trains do hold a funny little spot in my life. I remember riding a steam engine train in the wilds of Australia and getting flecks of carbon smoke stuck on my face from sticking my face out the window, I remember going furiously fast through the rambling and rollings of the French countryside after popping up amazingly from the chunnel under the English channel, and the time that my sister and I managed to forget what stop we were at in Australia - my mom got off at the Surrey Hills stop... and we we noticed just too late that the doors were closed and we were on the way to the Cantebury station with no money and nothing but clearly American accents, small stature, and pleading faces on our side to convince the conductor to let us through the turn-style for free to get back home at the next stop.

But, here, now, there's only one train. This train of life...and man, it's a crazy ride. I've really loved this John Mayer song, and as my 26th birthday comes ever-so-quickly, I can see the great, the scary, the bittersweet, and the anticipation of this next year all wrapped up in the lyrics of this song. So here it is.

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I wanna get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train