As 2009 comes to a near close, here's an incomplete list and smattering of thoughts regarding this year:

Struggle and pain are good. Not just necessary; good. Not all struggle, not all pain...but when it makes you grow in the way God wants you to, then it can only be good.

It's odd that the things that we sometime dread the most are really the best for us. And when it's all over (the change, that is) you realized that it really isn't that bad. Sure, that night of crying, feeling sick, and lack of sleep was terrible. But it sure was temporary. And YOU, my friend, are better for the change. It makes me think of when we were really little and you had that tooth that just had to come out. You had wiggled it to push it to the brink...but that one moment, the yank and that horrible tiny "snap" when it broke free completely...oh, that was something to be feared. Dreaded. "No, DAD!! Don't do it! Don't pull it yet!" But what happens if that tooth stays? Your adult tooth, the one that REALLY needs to be there, has nowhere to go. So, it gets pulled, you scream, it bleeds, and then...it's over. And the tooth fairy arrives with your crisp new dollar...and you've forgotten everything else. And your new tooth has the proper place it needs to grow. It's only until that next tooth comes loose, and we repeat the whole process of dread all over again. We humans are slow learners.

This year, I forgot who I was. Needless to say, I was appalled when I had this realization, but alas, it is true. Now, I don't mean to say I forgot who I am, eternally. In that sense, I knew, and know, that I am a daughter of the King. But I mean, I forgot who I am - in this life - in this world - who God has created me to be HERE. I was watching "Invictus" when I saw some eucalyptus trees...and my mind flashed back to a thousand memories of my past. Australia. Camp. And suddenly I saw, for the first time in a long time, the span of my life. The 26 years I've been here. I've been so near-sighted. I've encouraged myself to not think of the rest of my life because it's been easier for me to ignore those aspects of my life than to experience the sadness of missing them. Ignoring the bigger picture of who I am has made me see myself only as who I am in this present moment; a girl in her 20-somethings who lives alone in an apartment, debating the purchase of some forlorn kitten at the humane society in a feeble attempt to make herself "less lonely" and "less alone." But God has created me as so much more than that.

God is in it for good in my life. He's not going to be shocked by what I do, by what I don't do. He knows it all and he's ok with it. He's not going to leave when I fail him, and he's not going to be more pleased when I find the right guy, or say the right thing...He's in it just to love me, and for me to love Him. Now that's something to chew on.

Ok. Back to "work" (aka baking cookies...:)